Thank you

 

Hi, Good Morning

Thank you for finally coming into my life

Although I was just fine before I met you

And I thought I knew love

It was abundant and free-flowing in me, afterall.

 

But then, why was I often jarred and hurt?

Why was my spirit often walled by silence?

Why were there sharp words and cold shoulders?

 

They have invented fine terms to describe it,

Like ‘toxicity’ and ‘narcissism’,

But, when the person cannot see

And you blame them for not seeing

Then who really is blind?

 

Thank you for showing me what love feels like

When it envelops you securely,

When it is open and honest.

 

I was whole by myself, like the earth

But you, my moon, rendered meaning to my gravity.

Falling apart

We reside in two different worlds

Like matter and anti matter

We collide and destroy something 

every time.

Silent screams in my head 

get the better of me.

The ice-cold formality

The same talks on a loop

The pretense of it all

And the futility thereof.

It bothers but it doesn't

Thank God for the distractions of Life!

Where does time fly?

One moment we're playing hide & seek at home

And the next we're staring at gigantic problems of managing the household.

Where did all those years go?

Where did my age go?

My straight hair and smooth skin?

Where do things go when they're gone? 

We were fretting over one silly test at school

And now we manoeuvre our way across the globe to Canada!

How did we cover so much distance?

And when?

Where does time fly?

I fall with another big crash

without a sound,

breaking from within

yet again.

Smash and throw me

a million times more

How would it matter?

It's all smithereens anyway.

There's no word to describe

this terrible pain.

Throbbing. Livid. Suffocating.

It consumes everything there is

left of life in me.

Time has dulled it into

a deep ache

etched into my very being.

It's all over me

Black and blue.

How can you ever feel 

my pain

or see my changed fabric?

You only see with eyes.

I am glad it happened. All said and done, I am glad. Yes, this is the most terrible pain, like someone is ripping my insides. Like there'll never be bright blue skies again. Like a train has collided into me headlong. Like someone is crushing my lungs and I can't breathe. Like I'm being sucked into a blackhole from where there's no coming back. Like there will never be any laughter, jokes, or joy again between us. Like you took the most precious part of me and let it bleed to death. Like my whole life has been a lie. But I am glad that the bubble has burst. I now know where I'm really at. 

 And isn't it true that destruction precedes creation? You bring down the old to build the new. Maybe this is a new beginning for me. Time will heal. Time will heal. Thank God for time. 

Aftermath

This ache feels like an old friend

It hugs me every time I'm alone,

Carrying me a million miles away

to a place where silently I mourn.

You gave me this hurt -

This seething cut that bleeds,

You say time is a bandage,

but weight of the present impedes

Your words, your face, your ego 

All present in the present with me

Make my legs heavy and my days steep

and you say climbing will help me see?

The fog of your lies still surrounds me

The night of betrayal is still young,

The tune of your heart was different

than the tune that my heart sung.

No quick fixes or short cuts

would help us through the fresh starts,

For love is the fastest route

to cover the distance between broken hearts.

Heartbreak

There is a hole now

where my heart once lay.

Its darkness is all consuming

Joy, happiness, companionship?

All went down that hole

and didn't even make a sound.

All the gifts I gave you

wrapped in sparkly packets of my love

lay crushed and beaten

in your hands.

And there, under your feet,

lies my poor heart.

C'est la vie

 

Words left me

When you left

The feelings linger on

Without a home.

 

I wonder if you too

Think of me sometimes,

Then dismiss the thought

Because, life!

 

Like I’m left unmoored,

Unanchored, in the midst of your ocean

Do you too, hide behind your glasses

And drown in mine?

 

Stay away

Let me sit still

I need to breathe

Conversations don’t solve everything

Silence is what I need

Words are sacred

Let’s use them sparingly -

They could prick like thorns

No, this is different

Something is breaking inside

I can feel it in my bones

In our undoing

The wounded hearts seethe

Our story going up in smoke

Burnt words I cannot read

Relationships

This anxiety makes me want to run out of my body. To a place where there are no attachments, no responsibilities, nothing to tie you down. I want to be free. Nobody tells you that when you get married you give up your independence. You cease to be an individual free to do as you please with your life. You and I becomes We and it screws up everything. Love in itself is complicated enough. Why make it harder with marriage? Why put all your expectations in one basket and hand it over to a single person? Why can’t it be a companionship than marriage? Why are we so hell bent on giving a name to every relationship? Husband. Wife. Girlfriend. Boyfriend. How about life partner? That doesn’t cut it? Tags are so important to us. So much so that we get too busy putting up the image of the tag in front of society rather than actually nurture the relationship. Hollow tags we wear as trophies. How much more shallow can we get?    

Gravity

Like a waterfall crashes

Onto earth,

I crash with the idea

of you,

For your mind

is my gravity.