My Story

I was a more creatively-inclined child than an academically-inclined one. I loved to draw and paint and make stuff from waste. And I loved languages. Stories fascinated me. I started reading with the Ladybird books for children. The colorful pictures of fairies and magicians and princes filled my childhood. Even before I was ten, I had submerged myself in the world of Enid Blyton. Then I graduated to Sidney Sheldon, Danielle Steel, and Erich Segal. I remember crying when I read Love Story by Segal. Books were my windows to such diverse universes and I, sitting in my room, had access to it all! Fortunately, one of the best schools in the country happened to be in my city and I was lucky to go there. My best friend in School, Nandini, shared my love for stories. We have read many-a-books together. Gradually we started picking up other books, like books on Palmistry, handwriting analysis, body language – all fascinating stuff. I opted for Humanities in higher secondary. Sociology and Psychology were my favourite. I also enjoyed the Political Science lectures of our very eclectic teacher, Mr. Babu Jose. He always involved the students in the lectures, seeking their views, encouraging them to form opinions. It was all very engaging. In retrospect, I understand what a tremendous influence my teachers have been in shaping my core beliefs. I learned to question notions. To seek answers. To say ‘why not’ to every ‘why’. 

It was all great for me, of course, but my parents, conservative as they were, had a difficult time adjusting to my midset. After I passed out of school I wanted to pursue higher studies from Delhi University. Back in the day, I didn’t know any better, or else I’d have thought of studying literature from an Ivy League. Anyway, my father, of course didn’t allow his daughter to ‘go out’ to study. I was offered admission in a local college in a routine course. But I thought, well, if these are my limited options, why not study computers? Afterall I was good with computers. So I completed BCA followed by an M.Sc. in IT (I thought IT would be more exciting than Computer Applications!). And yet I had no clue as to what I wanted to do career-wise. My peers were getting jobs in different cities but I didn’t want to sit in a cubicle and do coding all my life (not that my father would’ve allowed  me working in another city!), so I gravitated back to what I had always loved the most – words. Writing. Reading. I started freelancing from my laptop at home and surprise, surprise, I started making a lot of money sitting in my room and doing what I loved! I worked only for one company based out of Florida, USA. Within a month, they offered me a promotion and double the salary. For the first time in my life, I felt I was actually good at something. 

In due course, after a lot of prospective groom meetings and unnecessary drama, I was finally engaged to be married. My parents and I were two different generations living under the same roof. They could not convince me on their belief system and I was poor at communicating my dreams and ambitions to them. When there is a communication gap that wide, relationships suffer.

I got married, left freelancing and joined my very first office job in Delhi. It was in the English department of a premier school books publishing house. It took me no time to realize that I was efficient enough to finish my load of work well before time, but I had to abide by the office timings of 5 pm. So I had free time at hand every day. It irked me that I could not go home even though my work was done. I missed my freedom of freelance work. Soon I learned I was going to be a mom, so I had to take some decisions. I could not be bound to office from 9 to 5 if I wanted to give time to my child. I decided to try for a government job which would give me leaves and additional perks, even if at a lower pay. That was when I quit my job and joined Civil Services Coaching. I applied for all good government jobs and started preparing for the entrance exams. It’s funny how we spend so much of our time and energy planning our future when so little is actually in our hands. The exam date for both the state civil services and research services that I’d applied for turned out to be same. One exam in Chandigarh, the other in Delhi. I had to choose. Barely a month after giving birth to my son, I went to Delhi to write the research services exam. As luck would have it, I cleared it while my husband cleared the civil services exam and both our destinies were sealed in the respective fields.

Initially I felt so out-of-place in the Services that I thought of coming back from the training. I thought I was not cut-out for this. That God had made a mistake and I didn’t belong there. Only, God doesn’t make mistakes. It took me almost a decade to understand that whatever you get in life, make the most of it and never fall in the trap of ‘you’re not good enough’. The story we keep telling ourselves becomes our reality. When I changed my story from ‘I was meant to be in publishing’ to ‘I can be a good researcher’, I felt at ease in my duties and responsibilities as a scientist. In the meantime, I had a daughter, completed my Ph.D. coursework while she was an infant, running between classes and home whole day for two years, and I’m on my way to finishing my doctorate in another year or so. Some very helping and learned colleagues of mine have been my friends in the journey so far. I have learned to give my best and leave the rest (to God). A supportive life-partner, two wonderful children and a stable routine - this normal life is such a blessing that not a day goes by when I don’t feel grateful for it!

As I share my story on this Women’s Day, I can’t help but think that every woman’s story is worth sharing. Every woman’s story is inspiring. Like my mom, who was never formally employed but who raised four children and managed the household. It requires some kickass organizational, financial, and management skills to juggle housework, kids, kitchen and the maids. It’s a woman who makes your house a home. She is the one who keeps the family together. She’s usually the last person to go to bed and the first person to wake up. I have grown up listening to all kinds of schools of thoughts surrounding womanhood and how a woman should or shouldn’t behave. I have heard the concepts of empowerment and employment and the inter-connections between the two, and I have seen plenty of employed women who aren’t empowered and vice versa. It’s such a personal thing, womanhood. It’s not a journey out there, but a journey within. It’s about understanding what you’re made of. Realizing your strengths, your resilience. I see inspiring women all around me. They are all women who, be it good or bad, own their life stories.